Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Unravel Resistance to Realize Potential

Photo by Prettysleepy2 on pixabay

I feel resistance to working on my current project. Up until now I’ve mostly written shorter pieces. I don’t resist those as much. I can finish them in one sitting, almost. I write, take a break and then go back and edit. This long essay isn’t that simple. It’s also the first piece I’ll be sending out to paying journals.

I’ve been paid for my writing before, but it was copywriting or ghost writing blogs. It wasn’t my own stuff. Last year I got up the nerve to send my work to online journals that don’t pay. I got published. I have my clips. Now it’s time to get paid. And I’ve resisted. It’s been a year since my last non-paid publication.

So, it seems my resistance may be more about getting paid than the different type of writing I’m doing.

I feel my perfectionism kicking in. I’m afraid it won’t get accepted. I dream of getting paid for my ideas and stories not someone else’s marketing copy or blogs, but I’m afraid I won’t make it. I know my writing is good and yet I have doubts.

Even though I’m experiencing all this resistance, this time feels different. This time I know I won’t give up on myself like I have so many times before.

I will finish my current essay and submit it. I may wait on my muse and approach my destiny as a process, but I will no longer wait for perfection. I won’t give up when it gets difficult. I won’t lose patience with myself. Compassion is needed when our passions get tied up in our fears. I will take the next step and the next as needed. I will let it unfold. 

Life exceeds our expectations when we let it. We don’t make things happen. We allow and in that opening everything is possible.

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Wait for It

Photo by PublicDomainPictures on pixabay

Gather the flowers of your imaginings; let them go to seed so you may gather more.

Something is emerging from the shadows of my imagination. With every inspired action, what it is becomes clearer.

That’s the way this waiting on wingbeats and stars thing works. This is the creative process in action. It requires patience and a sense of devotion.

I’m not saying you don’t need to practice and know your art well. Craft is an important part of the creative process. It’s what helps us release our imaginings into the world. But without those imaginings there would be no creative works.

The deeper our devotion, the more patience we are able to have, the greater the work. So I wait for what is emerging.

I’ve been creating and facilitating workshops lately. The ideas are flowing and I’m bringing them into the world. As I do this work, another idea forms from the actualization of a class. Interacting with the ideas and with class participants generates more ideas. And on it goes. A greater work is emerging from this process. In order for it to come forth, I need to continue taking the next step and the next step. But I can’t rush it.

So, here I sit and write after being inundated with ideas earlier this morning. I needed more sleep, but when you’re in this deep, the muse shows up when you’re most open. Early morning is one of those times. Here I sit exploring this amazing process. But mostly here I sit, waiting. When I know more, I’ll share it with you. It’s bigger than a workshop and includes deep work for writers and for those of us who want to serve but need to learn to do it in a healthy way. There seems to be two tracks here. But we’ll see what emerges.

Friday, March 29, 2019

Whispers from the Universe in the Form of a Wasp

Photo by augustfinster on pixabay

I didn’t want to kill it. I just didn’t want it in the house.

While meditating, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. Yes, my eyes were open during meditation…it’s one of the types I practice. Anyway, I looked and there was something crawling along the bottom of the window. It was a wasp. I’d seen a wasp flying just outside my window a lot lately, but now it was on this side. I paused my meditating and wondered what to do.

Finally, I decided to get a plastic container and capture it so I could release it outside. When I came back from collecting the container, it was gone. But where did it go? Damn. I looked around, but didn’t see it. I decide to go back to meditating when it flew back to the window. Okay. I’d see what I could do.

It’s funny how afraid we are of small things even if they can sting. I’d never been stung before and didn’t want to find out if I was allergic. I wondered if trying to capture it would piss it off.

I took the container and slowly put it over the wasp. It just sat there. Now what? I moved the container hoping the wasp would walk in. Nothing. I waited. Finally, it began to go inside the container but only near the edge. How was I going to pull the container away and cover it without it getting out? The wasp just sat there and then began grooming itself. Then is started to get really slow. Was it running out of air?

This was ridiculous. I wanted to get back to meditating. It was now or never. I pulled the container away as slow as I could.  The wasp didn’t move. I covered it. I’d captured it!

I took it downstairs and put the container on the bench outside and uncovered it. The wasp simply flew up and away. No problem.

I’m glad I decided to release the wasp. I’m not sure how it got in or why it decided to visit me other than they are builders and I’ve been thinking a lot about building a life and a business. The more I read about wasp, it felt as though it was confirming my current path.

The Universe speaks to us in many ways. Spirit guides us from within and sometimes it shows up in what seems to be outside of us. But I never really believed there was an outside exactly. My inner world and the outer world always felt like one thing. The world of Spirit was in the mix as well. It was confusing as a child. I got the feeling others didn’t feel the same way. As I grew older I learned to see these worlds as separate just enough to understand the constructs humans built. But there is still a sense of fluidity of being.

Wasp is another sign of spring. It’s a time of building and creating. It’s a time to make a fresh start. I’ve been afraid of yet another start of my business. But this time I feel my inner strength is back. I’ve done the work to take much of the sting out of my past. I’ve grown in awareness and won’t let the little things deter me.

I got back to meditating that day. I didn’t lose focus due to the wasp visitation. If anything, I gained more focus. I trusted Nature, I trusted the wasp. It trusted me. As I released it, I released myself. Life turns on these small incidents. I may still have moments of doubt. I may falter now and then, but there is no going back. Last September I felt as though I was entering a threshold where the other side represented me no longer hindered by my past. I have walked through now. It has been the longest step. And I know there is no arrival time just this movement forward that flows from being, the being that is home, the place I never left.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

From the Other Side

On Monday, I did a ritual in which I imagined putting my past behind me as I walked through the threshold into the future. The actual threshold I used to represent the one into the future was at the top of two steps that leads into my office. It seemed fitting that I was walking into my future represented by the place where I create.

Our lives are about crossing into the unknown and creating as we go. Sometimes creation is more like remembering or it rises up out of the subterranean Mind as I put it in something I wrote and just sent out for publication.

That was Monday. It’s now the past and I’m leaving it behind to make sure every day I meet the abyss before me by being in the present. Too often I find myself caught in what happened and worried I did the wrong thing or I’m making up a story about something that isn’t even true.

The me that has crossed over catches what I’m doing and is kind about it. It’s important to save my energy for the real work. And that’s not writing. The real work is me. I’ve walked into another reality where I’m confident and I write and send my work out. I’ve walked into a reality of my own making. I create it in each moment. I know who I am and act from there.

There is no going back. I’m on the other side and though the past is a part of me it is not at the forefront of my life. It doesn’t get to control me anymore. What happens next is up to me in the present.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

The Words Rise Out of the Silence

Photo by cocoparisienne on pixabay

In Silence there is eloquence. Stop weaving and see how the pattern improves.
― Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi

When my mind is noisy the words are just surface chatter. What wants to be born in me becomes stuck when I don’t allow the silence to rise within.

For me, the silence within is more than just a quiet mind. It’s a palatable presence. It is the Presence and it is always there. Sometimes, like right now for instance, I had a hard time during my meditation. The deep silence was hidden by surface disturbance of frenetic thought. Sometimes this happens when there are a lot of things I’m trying to deal with at once or when there are things I’d rather not deal with. The inner chatter is related to fear and doubt. 

The silence, the Silence is more real than all the noise. When I touch deep silence it feels as though it isn’t just within. It’s all around me, too. The Presence has entered my whole experience. As I relax and rest in it, sometimes the words rise up, the words that are true and carry the spark of creation. Silence carries possibility and we give birth to what rises when we take those words and ideas and bring them into form.

Some writers and artists…I think especially poets…feel as though their work comes from something outside of themselves. I think it can feel as if that were so if you’re solely identifying with your smaller self. It can feel as though it is coming from somewhere other than you. It’s coming out of that which is greater than you, but I believe that greater beingness lives as you.

If you wish to create a work of art, a poem, a novel, your life, I encourage you to spend time in the silence and with the Silence. It holds everything and offers this gift to you, always. But it takes courage to be open to listening. Anything can rise. It takes patience and trust for the Silence doesn’t live in time. It also takes courage to then take what you’ve heard and felt and turn it into something. Though it feels as though it is otherworldly in its presentation to you, at its heart it is the very essence of you as well as all of your experiences.

So trust, be patient and willing to share. The silence/Silence is waiting for you. Your greatest treasure is a world of possibility that lives within. Go to it, open your heart and mind and let the journey begin.